4. A Plus Banter and Vintage Friendships

What’s better than '90s friendships? This episode explores the unique bonds you formed during the ’90s, reflecting on the laughter, tears, pranks and unforgettable moments shared with besties. Elaina discusses rekindling lost connections in today's disconnected yet hyper social media-focused world. Do you have “A plus” banter in friendships and relationships? Elaina shares personal epiphanies about the value of banter and inside jokes. She also touches on sibling friendships, sharing heartwarming stories about her her father and brother. Is it ever too late to reconnect with ’90s friends or forge new friendships? Maybe we can cherish the joy of old friendships, revive face-to-face connections, and celebrate the vintage bonds that stand the test of time. She signs off with – what could be better? – Sarah McLaughlin's iconic song from The Brothers McMullen soundtrack, "I Will Remember You." 

Thanks for listening, and don’t forget to shine bright.

If you enjoyed this episode, please consider leaving a 5-Star review as it helps my podcast grow and reach more people. Find me on Instagram @Your90sAreShowing and say hi!

About the host: Elaina Satti is a lover of the '90s living in Rhode Island, USA, the smallest state with the biggest heart, and she is in fact a divorced single parent living her best "now what?" exploring the journey of "what's next" – with coffee.

Transcript

Hey, everyone, welcome to “Your '90s Are Showing.” Thanks for being here with me again. Dear listener, I just have one question for you. Do you remember your best friend from the '90s? Maybe they're still your best friend today? If so, I want to know. I want you to, of course, send a picture in, I really want those pictures up, I want them flooding in, because we want to celebrate all kinds of friendships, and all kinds of surviving relationships here, from the '90s and besties are definitely part of it. Right? The friends that you could laugh with, the friends that you could cry with, the friends that you did things you don't want to mention with. Yeah, I know, you guys I can tell. And also, what I want to bring full circle is, do you still keep in touch with those friends today? And if not, why not? And would you like to? And is it too late? Did you know them from camp? Did you go to summer camp with these people? I want to know. Did you know them from high school? Were you in the same homeroom? Did you know each other since kindergarten? I want to know about these '90s friendships. I want to know if they still survived today. And I also want to know if you think you could get back in touch with them. If you've lost touch, guess what? It's not the '90s anymore. We're not like taping up notes on our parents' front doors. We're not you know, knocking or throwing rocks at Windows or sending smoke signals or any of those ways that we had to get in touch. We're not even dialing up the AOL modems or I don't even know archery notes. We are actually in the digital age. We are in the post digital age. We are probably in the AI age. We are so connected that now we're lonely, right, we have crossed the Rubicon. What I want to say is if you've lost touch with those people, you can get them back again. You can get back those people that you thought you lost touch with. And I want to do a deep dive. Who were your besties in the '90s and I want to tell you about a surprising revelation that I had, okay, we're talking epiphanies everywhere on “Your '90s Are Showing,” epiphanies aplenty. I was thinking back to A plus banter okay, because I just had this realization out here. Okay, I'm how many years old? I'm just being real with you guys. I know that I can be dear listener. I love some A plus banter. Whether it's Sense and Sensibility, the two sisters right, whether it's Pride and Prejudice, Darcy and Elizabeth, I am a sucker for some good A plus banter. I was even rewatching Clueless. And there's great banter between of course the great Cher, and the character of Josh, (Paul Rudd). Cher played by Alicia Silverstone, the one and only unforgettable Cher. Yes, there is another Cher. I don't care if it's Veronica Mars, I don't care if it's Felicity and Ben, whatever kind of banter, especially '90s banter that there is, I'm all about it. But remember the best friend banter, or the friendship banter, and the inside jokes that you would have with people, those things are so important. I have them with my friends, and I am so grateful that I have them. I began to feel like is that ever going to be there for me? In a person that I'm with romantically? Is it ever going to be there for me? Because God really showed me. I need this to live like literally I need this or I'm going to die.

The A plus banter that you have when you're in the car, you are making fun of each other mercilessly. You're talking smack about each other. You know that person probably better than they know themselves. And you can just say that one thing and then you're on the floor laughing. Do you remember the '90s sleepovers, going to the movies, talking on the phone with the cord? When your mom broke in or your dad and said hey, I need the phone? Are you almost done? And you're like, “Yeah, okay, mom. Okay, just a couple more minutes.” And then of course, you proceeded to be on for another half hour with your mom interrupting every 10 minutes. There's a certain joy about that.

And as I began to, to ask myself, you know, I realize how important it was to me out here that A plus banter I began to realize you know what, I bring A plus banter to the table. I mean, this is not a dating show. Let me just tell you that if it was a dating show, I would not be the podcast host of it. Let me just tell you, I have such a limited W Rizz, but I do enjoy the A plus banter and I do think I bring it to the table. Some people I've interacted with have it and some don't. Imagine not appreciating my endless banter out here. I don't really know why that would be. But as I began to think about how important that was, either in a friendship bestie, or in some kind of partner, or the people and the friendships that I had in the '90s when I was young, because I was in the '90s, basically from like 12 to 21. My dad said you were coming of age in the '90s. And I sure was okay. That kind of banter. The reason why it's so important to me, is because I believe it short circuits anxiety, when that other person knows you so well that you can go back and forth with them. I really do think it bypasses that part of our brain that has to take everything so seriously. And I began to say God, you know, I've been disappointed in this area that the banter means so much to me, and I would love to find someone to banter like that with and have it be real real, like real life for reals. Is it ever going to be like that? And you know, God was gracious. gracious enough to show me. Yes, you have had it. Elaina, you certainly have. The first person you had it with was your dad. The man, the myth, the legend. Chuck Satti, the man who has a double black belt in Krav Maga who absolutely crushed and decimated everyone he ever sparred with, but had the kindest heart of gold. The biggest prayer warrior, my hero Chuck Satti. From the time that I could speak sentences, I was bantering with my dad. He was making me laugh, whether it was a well-timed dad joke, anything that he said would absolutely crack me up. I am so blessed. He never knew how anxious of a kid that I was. He never knew how anxious of a young adult or adult that I was. Because anytime I was in his presence, he was either listening deeply to me, or making me laugh. A plus banter. Check. How blessed am I that I got to grow up in a household with a plus banter? Extremely. So God has shown me you have not been without A plus banter. And the second person he showed me that I had A plus banter with is my brother, Chris. My brother is six years younger than me. I introduced him to grunge music. I introduced him to rock and roll. But with my brother. I feel like at some point, he surpassed my wisdom and became like my older brother. He is really literally one of the coolest people I have ever known. He was so fit. He's like a CrossFit king. He was a several sport athlete in high school. He went to Georgetown, he went to Harvard Business School. But he's such a kind guy. Everyone loved him. Guys loved him and wanted to be his friend, and girls loved him. When he walks in a room he just commands respect, but he's also so incredibly funny. And when I babysat him we would watch the Nickelodeon lineup I think that  included like Ren and Stimpy and I love Clueless also because they're watching Ren and Stimpy, Cher and Josh are, sitting down watching not only Beavis and Butthead, but Ren and Stimpy. And for some reason that show fascinated me. And my brother could make the face of the horse, like with his hands going, huh? Like he would just crack me up whenever my brother was around. We had such great A plus banter. And it would short circuit again, whatever anxiety I had, it meant that he really knew me and cared about me. And I remember one time, I was lifeguarding. I was a lifeguard. That's a whole other story. But he came to visit me, and maybe I was about 14, and he was six years younger than that. Maybe I was No, I was probably at this time 16. And he was probably 10. So we were just sitting there and we were listening to some grunge as we often do. Maybe we were listening to Smashing Pumpkins. And we were listening to some Pearl Jam, which I had gotten him into.

And my brother was basically making me laugh so hard, I couldn't breathe, and we decided to come up with our own '90s band name. If we were going to create our own band, what was the name going to be and I still remember to this day, the name of my band was going to be Imminent Doom. And yes, I am going to make a t- shirt with that title on it. I am going to go full out designing a t- shirt with imminent doom on it. I mean, I might call it Elaina and the Imminent Doom. I might call it Debbie Newberry and the Imminent Doom because yes, she is the disc jockey extraordinaire in Grosse Pointe Blank. But I just loved bantering with my brother to such an extent that we could not even breathe. I mean, we were kind of just making a little fun of Pearl Jam’s guitarist Stone Gosar and, like how when he's really into his guitar solo, he moves his head and makes himself look like a duck. I mean, we were just going off on all kinds of things, bantering here and there and I just loved every minute of it, and I realized my brother was my first best friend. Maybe your sibling was that, too. Maybe you guys fought like cats and dogs and you, you're just saying, Elaina, that's absurd. But for me, even though my brother was younger, he was my first best friend. I have this picture of him when we went to Six Flags New Jersey. And we could just look at each other and make each other laugh for some reason. I have a picture of my brother with this huge piece of salami on his cheek. And I took a picture like that, like, what is it? Because your sibling is the one who knows things that other people don't. I remember, I had done something wrong. I have amazing parents. But for some reason, I was yelled at for something, right? Because we all got yelled at, let's just be real. As parents, we sometimes yell as well. It just happens. We can always apologize and do better. But I had the worst cramps, okay, I'm talking about your insides being turned with some kind of meat grinder. I had bad cramps, okay. And all of a sudden, I look over at my brother. And he just nods at me. And we're in the backseat of the car. And I'm ready to cry. And I just put my head on his knees. In the backseat. Remember, we had the huge back seats and whatever car it was, and he just let me lay there and recover from the worst cramps I'd ever had in my life. That is the power of a best friend who is a sibling. We would read Calvin and Hobbes together. Oh my gosh, Bill Watterson is a genius. He should also rule the world along with Mike Judge, maybe not the world, I think that's up to the creator of the universe. But he could certainly rule parts of the world because he is such a genius. If you read Calvin and Hobbes, and my brother and I had all of the comics. I got them for him for Christmas for his birthday, he got them for me. And now he gets to pass them on to his boys. And it's amazing. We would sit there. And sometimes on Christmas Eve, we would cuddle up, especially when I was maybe 12 or 13. And he was six or seven. And he was even younger than that. I remember his little feet pajamas. And we would pretend to hear Santa's on the roof or I'm sorry if there's any kids listening, we would hear Santa's feet on the roof. We heard the reindeer, my brother. I have whole photo albums devoted just to my brother because he was the most awesome kid with a dimple and the bowl haircut. And he became like my older brother. And I look up to him. And I remember when I was going through my divorced single parent now what?, we went for a walk. And my brother looked at me and he said, What is your plan now E? And I knew that instead of breaking down, I had to put on my big girl pants. And I turned to him and I said, I don't know, Chris, I don't know what's next. But I'm gonna have to figure it out. And he said you will. And I'm here for you. And I remember that conversation just like it was yesterday. Even though it was seven years ago. There were friends in high school you snuck out of the house with, you did things that you don't want to tell anyone, you rode around, you went to parking lots, you went to the beach, you had nights that only you know about with this person. If you were in camp, you had food fights. There are people that you entrusted with some of your deepest secrets. And if you have any of these people from the '90s, or from growing up, you are very blessed. If you don't, it's not too late. It's not too late for that. What I want to say is bring back A plus banter in whatever way that you can, because it's worth it. Maybe you have some people at work you can have A plus banter with, maybe you can bring the lightness to the dinner table with your kids. If you're a single parent like me, maybe you're going to have the realization: Wait a minute, my oldest daughter is the one that I can have A plus banter with. I have whole dinner conversations sometimes with just the two of us, where she is making me laugh so hard. I started calling her writers room. And I've never been more proud. So maybe you can look for the A plus banter in some surprising places. And you can hold onto that joy that you had in the '90s with those friends, with those besties who may even be your brother or sister, someone in your family, maybe your cousin or that friend who lives next door or down the street. That 10 hours could pass by like 10 minutes. Maybe they're not with us anymore. Maybe you want to think about this in honor of them. But maybe you want to do a little thing called appreciating the A plus banter that you do have in your life and knowing that the '90s may have passed. But in that way, you can still cultivate those kinds of friendships, and you can still find them today, you can still have the vintage old school '90s friendships, don't give up on them. If you feel like maybe they aren't there right now, look for them in unexpected places, you might be the one to make the first move. I mean, it might be the Sadie Hawkins dance of friendships. But that's okay. Even if you get rebuffed, it's okay to try again. And for those of us who are introverts and sometimes isolate ourselves, maybe it's okay to accept that invitation. Right? Maybe it's okay to accept the invitation that someone's extending to us. Maybe that's what we need to do, not to push each other away or keep each other at arm's length. Because the '90s were about community. Remember, we weren't all stuck to our phones, we had to interact face to face, whether it was school, whether going to the movies, whether you were going to your friend's house party, whether you were riding along in the car in junior high, you just got together at people's homes. And I think we forget about this all the gathering. I mean, we had a lot of church gatherings, too. There was a Sunday night there was a Wednesday night there was a Sunday morning. And as much as maybe at that time, I didn't really appreciate that, we knew that there were people who cared about us. Now what do we have? We have such a tenuous tether to everyone around us that it could be snapped in favor of a digital reality. How is that working out for us? Are we healthier? Are we more well adjusted? Do we have deeper friendships? Do we know billions of people online quote, unquote, but we just want that one person to care. I just want to leave you with the iconic words of the High Priestess of the '90s herself. Sarah McLaughlin, from the Brothers McMullen soundtrack, the song that was ubiquitous in the '90s. “I Will Remember You.” I challenge you to turn that thing on, think about your friends from the '90s and maybe reconnect with them. Maybe you don't have to; maybe you see them almost every week. But think about these lyrics. I'm going to call my brother, and I'm going to tell him thank you for being my first best friend. So it’s “My so Called '90s Coffee Shop rendition of lyrics.” Let's just bring it home, Sarah, let's break down some truth for us.

“I will remember you. Will you remember me/ Don't let your life pass you by. Weep not for the memories./ I'm so tired. I can't sleep. Standing on the edge of something much too deep. Once there was a darkness, a deep and Endless Night. You gave me everything you had. You gave me light.”

See, that's the power of these '90s-themed friendships, even if they're going on today. It's these friendships and these connections that are real, that are true that are IRL that are vintage, right? That's why I say vintage phone chats are important. Picking up the phone, calling someone going to their house saying hey, let's go get a bite to eat. Let's go out and get a drink. Let's go see each other face to face. Let's celebrate this birthday, especially for divorced single parents, now what? we're doing everything ourselves, both mother and father, we don't have a lot of time to spare. But that's even more important for us to not neglect these friendships and relationships, especially not to isolate, because it doesn't lead anywhere good. And if we can remember the joy that we had, when we knew we were going to a friend’s sleepover or we were going to summer camp or we were going to see those special friends. Maybe meeting these kindred souls for the first time and going, you know what? I'm going to be your friend forever. Or you know what? I am so happy right now at this moment. Maybe it's laughing uncontrollably with your brother. Hang on to those '90s friendships, bring back those that you can create new ones because these connections are worth it. I will remember you, will you remember me? Dear listener as always, this has been Elaina with “Your '90s Are Showing.” Thanks for going down the waterslide with me. Until next time, don't forget to shine bright