6. My Favorite Mistakes: Sheryl Crow and Shania Twain

What are your favorite mistakes from the '90s? Two powerhouse influential female vocalists of the ’90s, Sheryl Crow and Shania Twain, know all about them. Elaina shares her connection to Sheryl Crow's hit "My Favorite Mistake," recounting its role in her Hollywood karaoke bar adventures post-Bible study at Hollywood Presbyterian Church. She highlights Crow's breakthrough 1998 album “The Globe Sessions” and delves into speculation around the boyfriend who inspired "My Favorite Mistake." Elaina connects the theme of mistakes to her own emotional journey of losing her stuffed animal Blue Bear during her senior year. Next, Elaina explores crossover country-pop princess Shania Twain’s tumultuous journey to fame, including her husband's affair and her subsequent mental turmoil. How does forgiveness and gratitude inspire these women’s stories? How can we embrace life's challenges and turn pain into meaning?

Thank you for listening, and don't forget to shine bright!

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About the host: Elaina Satti is a lover of the '90s living in Rhode Island, USA, the smallest state with the biggest heart, and she is in fact a divorced single parent living her best "now what?" exploring the journey of "what's next" – with coffee.

Transcript

This is Elaina with “Your '90s Are Showing.” Boy we have a show for you. We're going to talk about two powerhouse female vocalists of the '90s. That's right. Sheryl Crow. We're going to talk about her song, "My Favorite Mistake." Let me tell you, this is my karaoke go-to song. When I was in the 2000s, living in LA going to Hollywood Presbyterian church’s Bible study called Soul Kitchen – yes, it was that cool – our friend Zach would come around and point to us saying, “Miyagi’s? You want to go to Miyagi’s?” which was the karaoke place right across Sunset Boulevard. We were in the Gower Gulch. That's what it was. Gower and Franklin that's where Hollywood Presbyterian Church was. Anyway, he'd go, “Cat and Fiddle?” Because after Bible study, what does one want to do… But go to Cat and Fiddle and have a pint of beer or go to karaoke and sing your little heart out. That just seems to be the thing to do at 10 o'clock on a Tuesday evening, in the heart of Hollywood.

Sheryl Crow’s "My Favorite Mistake" is one of my go-to karaoke songs like I said. First of all, I'm not a singer, so I don't have a great range. But lest we forget our Sheryl Crow burst onto the scene, of course with her little carwash diddy, right? “All I Wanna Do.” She is just so famous for all of the amazing songs that she has.

But what I love is her 1998 The Globe Sessions; we're gonna get into it. "My Favorite Mistake" is her first single from her third studio album, The Globe Sessions, released on August 31 1998. And she wrote it about a relationship with a man who proves to be unfaithful, and is widely believed to be written about Eric Clapton. Yes, the Eric Clapton. She's had some famous relationships. I think she dated Kid Rock for a long time, too. I know she has a son. But let me just get into some of these lyrics. Okay. I also want to bring it all home to an experience that I had in the '90s about a stuffed animal that I carried during my senior year of high school.

It wasn't even my stuffed animal. It was my brother's favorite stuffed animal, Blue Bear. And I wasn't supposed to bring it because I was going through an existential crisis that all my friends were leaving and going to different colleges. Yes, I'm going to tie this all together. So the lyrics of Sheryl Crow's "My Favorite Mistake.” This is “My So-Called '90s Coffeehouse Reading of Lyrics. Yeah, we call it something different every time. I need to write it down. Producer Cheris is mad at me. Let's just go with it. Right. 

“I woke up and called this morning. /The tone of your voice was a warning/ that you don't care for me anymore. I made up the bed we sleep in. I looked at the clock when you creeped in. It's 6am. And I'm alone. Did you know when you go/ It's the perfect ending, To the bad day. I was just beginning. When you go all I know is you're My Favorite Mistake.”

And I would triumphantly be up there on that karaoke stage. dedicating "My Favorite Mistake" to all my friends, the good INFJs at Hollywood Presbyterian Church's Soul Kitchen, and they would be cheering me on after I had a beer. You know, I needed a little liquid courage. I'm definitely a lightweight. The song goes on to say, “Your friends are sorry for me. They watch you pretend to adore me. But I'm no fool to this game. Now here comes your secret lover. She'll be unlike any other until your guilt goes up in flames.”

At the end of the song Sheryl Crow belts out:

“Did you know could you tell you were the only one that I ever loved. Now everything is so wrong. Did you see me walking by? Did it ever make you cry? Now you're My Favorite Mistake". And I wonder if in the '90s we have those favorite mistakes that we made. Maybe there are some least favorite mistakes. But we know that they are mistakes. We can't go back and undo them. And sometimes we still think about them.

For me, it was the sad tale of Blue Bear.

It was senior year 1996. All my friends were writing the names of the colleges that they were going to on the whiteboard in the yearbook room. Now there were colleges anywhere from Rhode Island to Massachusetts. I myself was going to Syracuse University six hours away, studying TV and film. Now as a homebody, I'm not quite sure how I decided this was a great idea. I didn't know that this was my dream school. But my friends were going all over. I mean, everywhere. Boston, upstate New York. Like I said, Rhode Island.

Sometimes they were going to Georgia. And I realized that things were never going to be the same again, friends were scattering to the winds, and I wasn't ready for it.

The only thing I could think of doing, for some reason, was holding on to a little piece of childhood. And I wanted to bring my brother's favorite small teddy bear named Blue Bear. Now, there's a whole story to this in itself. When I was a little girl, my dad took me to a toy store. And he said that I could buy any toy that I wanted. But he didn't have a lot of money. So he took me around the stuffed animal aisle, and there were huge stuffed animals. And he was hoping against hope that I would pick something reasonable, but he put it out there that he could get anything I wanted. So I turned to this little dog called Lucky Dog and I later named him and he became my inseparable stuffed animal. And my dad has later said how relieved he was that I picked out this perfect small little dog that he could actually afford.

And my brother when he was older, got to pick out this small little Blue Bear. Blue Bear was about as big as both my hands together. He had black beady eyes, adorable, and I decided to bring him with me to senior year. I stuck him in my backpack. I don't know why, he gave me a certain kind of comfort because everything was growing up, we were changing, moving on to college. I don't think I was ready for any of it. We were getting towards senior prom. We were getting to senior events. We were getting to honors night, and everything had a certain finality to it and I don't think I was ready to move on or to let my friends go. My mom said I don't really want you taking Blue Bear, my brother’s stuffed animal, but I didn't listen. And what did I do in true Elaina fashion? Instead of taking good care of Blue Bear… Blue Bear dropped out of my backpack.

Panic ensued. One afternoon as I was trying to find Blue Bear, I had to go home and tell my mom that I think I left Blue Bear at school. I think I lost Blue Bear. I had to tell my brother who is six years younger. No one was very happy with me. But I thought Blue Bear was gone forever. That was devastating enough. But the next day I went to school my friend Lauren turned to me and said “Hey, isn't that your brother's bear?”

The hallways were almost deserted. We were walking to English class. And I see this mangled, blue furry body lying next to the lockers on floor B3. And I thought oh my gosh, that's Blue Bear.

Some hooligans had torn Blue Bear basically from limb to limb. Its arm was hanging askew, buttons were missing and its black beady eyes, only one of them was looking back at me. Stuffing was coming out, and I picked up Blue Bear and I cradled him in my arms. And I just burst into tears. I went into English class and Miss Buldoc, the teacher, saw me and asked what was going on. So I told her when I could finally compose myself. I was full of guilt that I had allowed my brother's beloved bear to fall out of my backpack. It was an honest mistake.

But it was a mistake nonetheless.

However, that wasn't the end of the story. Miss Buldoc talked to me, then took Blue Bear.

And she said, “Let me try to see what I can do. I know the resource teacher, we're good friends. She's really good at sewing. Maybe she can do something.” So tearfully, I handed over a Blue Bear and I was in just a really sad mood the rest of the day.

I pictured some hooligans, just tearing Blue Bear apart. And for some reason this really got to me. And I began to get really angry.

So angry, in fact, that I took myself over to the yearbook room, and I decided that I was going to petition to write an editorial. Oh, yes, I wrote a scathing editorial about my experience. Blue Bear was desecrated. And I was devastated. And I wrote an article about all the emotions that I went through, seeing Blue Bear being destroyed.

I even wrote something like if you can believe it: “I am ashamed that I go to this high school.” I just went hard on it. I just didn't hold back, which is extremely uncharacteristic of me. I was probably getting out all the range of emotions that I could possibly feel in this one article, but it was saying that I wasn't proud to go to this high school.

And the next day when I handed in the article, I had a certain sense of satisfaction like I was reclaiming Blue Bear’s little life. I hadn't yet heard from Miss Buldoc, but I knew this was going to make me feel better. And when the editorial came out with a sketch of Blue Bear that one of the resident artists at the newspaper, took the specs of Blue Bear and rendered Blue Bear to life.

I was satisfied. I had been honest, wouldn't you know I'm in social studies, and my name is called over the loudspeaker. Listen, I was conscientious, I was never in trouble. So I wondered what in the world is happening, my name is being called by the principal. I went down, I thought, maybe this is some kind of mistake. This really couldn't be me. Maybe I'm getting some kind of honor or award. I don't know what I was thinking.

And the principal looked at me and he said, I read your article. And I'm sorry that you felt like you had to write that. I wish you hadn't gone there. Because there are still really good people at the school. And I just looked at him and I didn't know what to say.

He kept it short and sweet. But I really got the sense that he was so disappointed in me.

But my anger was booing me. At this point. I was on a crusade, I was on a mission. I went back to the next class, which was English, and they're sitting on my desk was Blue Bear.

He was sewn up, his eye was back in its socket, and it was looking at me jauntily. His arm was sewn back on his leg with missing stuffing looking almost like it was brand new. You could see some of the stitching. But you know, let's be real. This blue bear was what, at this point. 12 years old, my brother was six years younger than I was.

I couldn't believe it. It was like Blue Bear was restored to me. And there was also something else on my desk, in a mug was a white bear with gold angel wings.

And the same angel bear was on the mug itself. And I was looking at both of them and Miss Bolduc walked over and said, “You know, the resource teacher was able to fix Blue Bear for you. And I wanted to give you this bear, just to reassure you that everything's gonna be okay.”

And I looked at her, and I was so grateful. I think I gave her a hug. I took home that mug,

I took home the angel bear, and I took home Blue Bear, and I was able to safely returned Blue Bear to my brother. I vowed never to take any stuffed animals around again.

Everyone was pleased with the outcome.

And now year after year, my daughters bring out Angel bear, and the mug which I still have from Miss Buldoc, every Christmas. So Angel Bear is now part of our Christmas traditions. And I get to tell the story.

But what I think about when I think about "My Favorite Mistake" in the '90s was the fact that I never wrote another article. I was never set the record straight to show that yes, actually, our principal was right. Instead of being so angry, I could have shown some gratitude.

Or even if I was angry and wrote that article, I could have written a follow-up saying, “You know what, here's what I learned. There are amazing people in this world, there are angels who give you an angel bear and help restore the things that are lost. Maybe everything isn't all bad. Maybe everyone isn't out to get me. Maybe the things that we think are ruined beyond repair aren't really, someone can come along and redeem, God can redeem even the things that we think we can never have back again.”

So if anyone's listening out here from from high school from all those days, I wish I could have written this article, but this is my attempt to do so. We can't go wrong when we're humble and curious. That's from Relationship Coach Kelly Hoffman (Gigalis). She says that

it's important to show gratitude because we've been shown that gratitude and it's important for me to remember that mistake because our mistakes in the '90s can become the lessons, the key learnings that stay with us today.

So am I always grateful? Absolutely not. Sometimes I have a downright bad attitude and I can't get out of my own way. But it makes me think of that Angel bear that my girls bring out every Christmas to know that there are those angels among us.

That resource teacher didn't have to take her time to sow a bear for girl she never met, but she did it out of the kindness of her heart.

What can we learn from the mistakes of the '90s? And that brings me to another powerhouse: the one and only Shania Twain, the crossover country pop princess, who was topping the Billboard charts from basically the early '90s to 2000s. She's just came out with a new album, by the way, why does she look the same? I don't know somebody answer that for me. But if you know her she's inspired a whole generation of singers who have crossover from country to pop.

She was born in Canada. Her name was Eileen Regina Edwards. And she is one of the all time best selling female artists and country music. You know her album Come on Over. “Man, I Feel Like a Woman,” or “That Don't Impress Me Much.” She's incredible.

I mean, who can forget there's the song “Still the One,” a slow ballad. It's probably one of the top slow songs ever recorded. She's a powerhouse, but you know, she has some things in her past too, that have to do with divorced single parent now what? 

She got married to the one the only Mutt Lange who produced Def Leppard. The producer of depths Def Leppard. They met in 1993. He helped her record her song before Come on Over, I believe.

And they fell in love and they got married in like a seven month period. They were together, I believe, for about 14 years. He saw her through thick and thin and vice versa. Somehow they moved to Switzerland. They had a son. But guess what? All was not well, because Shanaya found out that her partner for life, the one she wrote, “Still the One,” with,

had an affair with her best friend. Some woman named Marie with a strange Swiss French last name. Her best friend.

I can't imagine how that felt. Although I don't have to go too far, really, in my imagination. (moving on) for Shanaya. I mean, if that can happen to Shanaya, what hope do we all have right? Someone said that to me one time. I do think with with God, we have ultimate hope. But I'm thinking about how much that rocked her. You know about it. She just spoke on a podcast, actually hosted by Dax Shepard. And she talked about how that news devastated her. It was greater than any other instability that she ever felt. So I wonder for Shanaya when she found that out, all of the record sales, all of the tours, all of the Grammys, all of the adoration, all the red carpet walks, in one second, none of that meant anything because she was divorced single parent now what… she was staring down a now what?

But that's not the end of the story. Incredibly enough, the husband of Marie, I believe his name is Fred, right? He has a longer French Swiss name. And I think he was the head of some kind of huge corporation. They were all friends. They were couple friends. He was always on business. So they never really had any dealings with each other. But because his wife, ex then, and Mutt Lang had gotten together, they consoled each other and what happened? They fell in love. So they ended up getting married and they have a beautiful love story today.

Now Shanaya and her ex don't really talk to each other. And maybe that's your situation if you're divorced single parent now what. She says they text and sometimes let's be honest, texting is our friend if we don't have to have any in person communique with our ex. That's what works for you guys. And sometimes we have more, sometimes we spend holidays together. Sometimes we're breaking it up and going to the birthday parties together. We're going to the Christmas to the holiday to the school concerts. We're making it work co- parenting. There are many different styles. But what Shanaya says that they always put their son first because they love him so much. And the last thing she talks about is, she says, The anger really got to her, because she grew up in a difficult childhood. And unfortunately, I believe her mother and stepfather were killed in a car crash when she was in her early 20s. I believe they didn't have a lot of money. She was in bars, I think when she was very young singing, and that was like her boot camp.

She really struggled with anger, and what one of us doesn't struggle with anger from time to time. It can be like free radicals just floating around in our bloodstream. And we don't even know when they're just going to prick us from the inside, or what's going to happen or what's going to come out.

I wonder if at that point, music became Shanaya’s therapy. I don't know if we realize that she faced Lyme disease and something affected her throat. So she has this Netflix documentary.

And I'm going to watch it because I'm just fascinated by her. She made a comeback. She just released an album. But what she says about her personal life is she fell wildly in love with this man whose ex wife and her ex husband cheated on, they cheated together. And her unlikely love story came from that. So she's reflecting this many years later.

She says, “I think everyone gets what they deserve. I get what I deserve. I got the greatest man on the planet. And when I read that, I just had to smile.”

I am sure that that was not her favorite mistake to go through, a mistake that she didn't even have anything to do with. It was done to her. And sometimes there are mistakes that we have to deal with because of Fallout mistakes from someone else.

What are we going to do with that? We can't jump there right away. But sometimes, if we hold on, and we process through the pain, and the anger and the hurt, and we have supportive people, we do writing, we can get through therapy, we go into the middle of the forest or the beach, and we just scream at the top of our lungs. We listen to '90s music or we create music. Sometimes we could come out the other side with that same gratitude. And I don't think it's right away. You know, recently someone said to me, you know, you came out of all that smarter, and stronger and more beautiful. Okay, I will allow that.

I was appreciative of that. But the person was saying, you have your daughters as a divorced single parent, now you have your beautiful daughters. I will say that that is 100%. True. And along with that, my favorite transitional phrase of the year, it was hard one. And some of you know what I mean. We can't just jump to the rosy afterglow of gratitude, because there's a lot of stuff in the middle. And we didn't ask for that stuff. And yet we are still processing it. And anyone who wants us to jump to that rosy conclusion, before we've processed it, and make us stay there…We know that that's not always possible, just like Shanaya had to go through her anger. And sometimes we go forward and we take two or three steps back. You know why? Because the grace of Jesus Christ is not cheap.

Golgotha was not cheap. The blood that poured down him was not cheap.

The harrowing of the hellscape that I went through in Norton, Massachusetts did not come cheap. It came at the expense of my sanity. So anyone or anything that makes me jump there quickly, does not understand the price that I almost paid.

And yet, God is still there. He is still good. And he is the one who gives the ability to have gratitude because if nothing else, I want my life to be like the five lepers who cried out to Jesus for healing in the New Testament.

All of them were healed. But only one came back to thank Jesus for what he had done. And there have been too many things in my life that he has healed me from, for me to not want to go back and thank him, and maybe you feel the same. So gratitude, turns out is my spiritual act of worship, even though I don't want to, even though sometimes I’m kicking and screaming.

That's what it is. And maybe it's like that for you too.

So though we don't get there right away, though, it's not a straight shot. It's not a to z.

Can we weave some gratitude in?

Because we do have angels among us, who give us Angel bears, who give us more grace than we deserve. And maybe were the ones extending grace as well.

Because grace is interwoven into real life. And that's what we're living. That's what we're living here and your '90s are showing. We know we don't swim around in the shallows, okay? It's deep waters, and sometimes there are puranas. But what I do know

is that going through the process is always worth it. Instead of checking out when we engage with what's going on, just like Shanaya did, just like Sheryl Crow did when she wrote those words, and tried to put her pain into some kind of message so that I could sing along and karaoke in the 2000s in the middle of Gower Gulch in Hollywood, something happens, and it's transformed.

Can we learn from what we went through, the mistakes that we made, and the mistakes that others made, that we dealt with the fallout? Absolutely, we can turn that pain into meaning. And that's what we're doing right here. We're meaning making, and you're doing it to whether you're in the car, you're doing laundry, you're working out, you're involved in meaning making too. And I'd love to hear how you're doing it. What was your favorite mistake in the '90s? What was your least favorite mistake? What was the mistake that was done to you?

What's the mistake you don't think you can get over? What's the mistake you think you're repeating over and over? Or what's the mistake that you look back and you say, now I can be humble and curious and grateful in this day and age, because of what happened in the '90s.

Thanks, Shanaya. Thanks, Sheryl Crow. Thank you, '90s.

And thank you listeners. Because without you, none of this would be possible. And dear listener, as always, thanks for going down the waterslide with me. This has been “Your '90s Are Showing.” I'm Elaina, you're Debbie Newbery. Until next time, don't forget to shine bright!