7. The Age of Innocence: Real Love and All Hail Winona Ryder

Must-watch movie alert, ’90s fans! The 1993 Martin Scorsese film The Age of Innocence, starring Michelle Pfeiffer, Daniel Day Lewis and the ethereal Winona Ryder, is unforgettable. Elaina unpacks the complexities of adultery in this historical romantic drama, set in 1800s New York. She analyzes Newland Archer's (Lewis’) emotional affair with Ellen (Pfeiffer), May Welland's (Ryder’s) “manipulation” in a turning point scene, and asks the question – is it worth it? Oh, we go there! Your host is not afraid to explore the significance of sacrifice that Lewis masterfully unfolds in his performance. Plus, let’s bask in the Oscar-winning costumes, and did we mention Winona forever? Elaina relates the importance of empathy and open communication to building strong, healthy relationships and lives – with no regrets. Plus, the ending you won’t see coming!

Thank you for listening, and don't forget to shine bright!

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About the host: Elaina Satti is a lover of the '90s living in Rhode Island, USA, the smallest state with the biggest heart, and she is in fact a divorced single parent living her best "now what?" exploring the journey of "what's next" – with coffee.

Transcript

All right. Hi, this is Elaina with “Your '90s Are Showing.” It's that time I promised we would get into a deep dive of Winona Ryder down the waterslide, and that time has come. Thank you guys for hanging in with me. I'm really grateful for you. And we're gonna go down the waterslide together about the 1993 film The Age of Innocence. I would argue Martin Scorsese’s best film. It's a 1993 American historical romantic drama film, and the screenplay was an adaptation of the 1920 novel by Edith Wharton. Let me break down the cast here: we have the one and only Daniel Day Lewis. Yes, you know him from Last of the Mohicans. He plays Newland Archer. He is a wealthy socialite in the 1870s New York City, a gentleman lawyer, and he's planning to marry the respectable May Welland (played by Ryder). May’s cousin is the American heiress, none other than Countess Ellen Olenska, who is Michelle Pfeiffer. These two women put in some of the best roles of their entire careers to date. This film won an Academy Award for Best Costume Design, the costumes are gorgeous. The whole film was filmed at a mansion in Troy, New York, one of the finest houses in all of Troy at that time, and Winona Ryder was nominated for Best Actress in a Supporting Role, and she won Golden Globe for that role. She was incredible, as was Michelle Pfeiffer. Scorsese dedicated the film to his father Luciano, Charles Scorsese, who had died only a month before. And a side note, his wife actually had small cameo roles in the film. There's nothing wrong with a little Daniel Day Lewis, am I right here? I saw this in the theater with my mom. I'm such a sucker for a period piece. 

But this film came up recently in my mind, I was speaking to someone about, well, the topic of cheating about adultery. This movie came back so vividly because I had forgotten what a gorgeous film it was cinematically. This film spends time in the high society drawing rooms and gets into the conversation. But there is a desperation and longing in this film that critics call a quiet spiritual suffering. So when Countess Olenska comes back from a disastrous marriage to a Polish count, she is snubbed by high society. But Newland Archer, as a lawyer, defends her case. And with the help of Archer, she's able to make somewhat of a comeback. She makes the acquaintance of this financier, right, who is a shady, but he mentioned his affection to her and pursued her. But she's trying to keep her honor and she becomes more, I would say, intimate with Archer. They share their thoughts, their feelings, and Archer finds himself drawn to Ellen, drawn to the Michelle Pfeiffer character because she's independent, she knows her mind. And the more he becomes enamored with Ellen, he realizes his feelings for May are not as strong. And he thinks that she doesn't know her own mind as well. She is more naive, you know, she's a great deal younger, but he begins to compare the two women. Her innocence, her lack of personal opinion and sense of self is contrasted to Ellen's unconventional views on New York society and life, and he finds himself more and more drawn to her. 

After the Countess announces her intention of divorcing her husband, Archer becomes even more involved, and he realises his heart is there. But he knows he has a commitment to May because they're engaged. So he actually goes to visit May and her family and St. Augustine, Florida, and says, I think that we should push up our marriage date. We shouldn't let so much time go by because he knows he foresees that the more time he spends with Ellen, the more he's going to be attracted to her. So there's a scene where Winona Ryder may become suspicious and asks him, “Are you just hurrying this marriage up because you believe you're marrying the wrong person?” Archer does his best to reassure her and says, No, I just am in love with you. But secretly, he knows he's more and more in love with Ellen. And when back in New York, Archer calls on the Countess and there's a scene where he confesses his love. And he says his intention of being with her instead; however, May’s parents have already moved forward a wedding date, plot twist, right? What's going to happen? There's a wedding, there's a honeymoon, Archer and May settle into the predictability of married life. We see glimpses of it here. And there we see the balls, we see the parties, we see the afternoon tea, we see Archer in his work. But when the Countess returns to New York, she and Archer resume talking; nothing has changed for either one of them. They admit they love each other. And they arrange to meet secretly to consummate their relationship. 

Now, let me just stop here: watching it in the theater was quite an odd experience. Because I remember secretly you see the chemistry that these two have; it's undeniable. Archer and his Paramore, not his wife, some part of you is secretly rooting for them to be together, because they're so obviously a match. And then you pull yourself back and think, What am I doing? Because are they really a match? Two weeks later, May throws a farewell party for the Countess. But before that the Countess has announced abruptly that she is going to return to Europe. The two lovebirds do not consummate their relationship. Archer is devastated. After all the guests leave, and this might be one of the most poignant scenes of all the films in the '90s, Winona Ryder as May admits to Archer, I'm pregnant. And I told the Countess this news two weeks earlier, which is why she left. She wasn't sure if she really was pregnant. But she told the Countess anyway. And the implication is that she knew that her husband was having this affair of the heart. And she wanted to dissuade them from being together. So May is not without the guile that she seems to be missing. She is much smarter than Archer gave her credit for. But in the scene, she's looking up at him and I think she even is crouched down and she has her arms sort of folded on his lap and she's begging him, please be loyal to me. Stay with me. We're going to have a baby. 

Now we cut to years in the future, Archers is 57. He's been a loving father, a dutiful husband. And at this time we learned that May has passed away from pneumonia. Archer has mourned her. They've been happy together. And he has a large family, so many children and he has a newly engaged son, Ted, and Ted persuades his father, come with me to Paris, because Ted has a surprise for his dad. Daniel Day Lewis looking no less dashing, older, gray around the temples. Ted says, I have someone for you to meet. I've arranged for you to meet Countess Olenska.

Lewis is superb in the scene. And I want to tell you the hope, the doubts, the fears, the jubilation that passes over his face when he realizes that he's going to see this woman that he longed for 25 years ago. And then all of that slides off his expression. And basically, he says No. And what happens is he's looking up at this gorgeous ornate building and at the very top there's a window that opens and the light of the sunlight catches and reflects the window. And we see the light winking on the window. And what we believe is that it's a lens and the Countess is opening the window to look down at him but we can't see her and she can't see him. It's just the light winking.

Ted confides to his father about something that his mother had said, and here's what she said, on her deathbed. “Ted, I knew that we were safe with your father and we always would be because once when I asked him to, he gave up on the very thing that he wanted most.” Archer was stunned. And he said back to Ted, “Your mother never asked me.”

Archer never goes up to see the Countess. He bypasses that opportunity. And we have to think watching this movie that what he experienced in his marriage was so much greater even than the thought of being with the woman that he would have given up everything for. We have to question if Archer’s relationship with his son would have been as strong, we can see Ted looks up to his father. What would his marriage have been like? Would it have been a marriage of resentment and quiet desperation, cold dinners, snubbed shoulders, separate rooms, the humiliation that May would have endured, knowing that her husband not only publicly was enamored with another woman, but privately acted that out against her and their marriage vows when she was pregnant? 

The choices that we make, big and small, add up to a legacy. And fathers especially have this legacy. And I think this film has the audacity to say and to look us in the eye and say you have a legacy. And if you have a legacy, what legacy is that going to be? That legacy is in your hands. What if Archer had made a different decision? Edith Wharton in her book explores this. But Scorsese brings it to life. What would Archer have been missing out on? And what if May didn't have the courage to say what she did to the Countess? To stop it from happening? And what if Archer didn't care? What if he went and did what he was going to do anyway? It's such a quaint notion in today's society to think you're running away for love. You're in love, your feelings, you're in your feelings acted out in that moment, that duty or honor, or sacrifice or any of that could ever play a role? What's marriage? What's a ring? What's a vow? What's anything you say before God? When you can so easily get out of it. When you can easily forget, in one day, in a secluded room one night. And I wonder if Archer saw all of those images flashing before him and spiraling out in front of him? What if he had made another choice, and I wonder if he just didn't have it in him to see man Olenska because that dancing on the edge of a knife was coming back to him, the choices that he almost made,  the doppelganger that almost led him down a different path to be a different man. And now he's able to look at himself in the mirror. So much so that the mirror became bright reflecting the Parisian sun, so bright that he had to shield his eyes against it. 

You guys have to see this movie. And I would go so far as to say anyone doing any kind of premarital counseling, if you're Catholic, pre Cana, anything like that should be required viewing. Because anything that we think we sacrifice for our kids, or we give up for God, do we not think that he's going to provide all the more strength to stand up under it? When we say no, to what looks shiny, temporarily, or what the culture says, This is what you need to go for…What is it that we're going to get? We're going to get pure gold, that relationship with a family, that relationship with a spouse, when we say no to what is temporary, in favor of the vows that were said. Hollywood is great at making adultery look fantastically fun. But let me tell you, it's not fun. Child support for one not seeing kids. Having them look at you differently. And if you're a father, I urge you to watch that movie. Don't let the petticoats deter you. Because how can you get more masculine than Daniel Day Lewis, those of us in the '90s, we've all fallen in love with Winona Ryder in one form or another. The spiritual suffering that critics in this movie, which was critically acclaimed by the way, the spiritual suffering portrayed, as one critic said about the movie, I have to say that whatever that spiritual suffering that Archer endured, saying no and enduring that temporary temptation, he got back in spades with a happy marriage. And May, some of us see ourselves in her. Someone who was seemingly naive, knew so much more than she let on, my what big eyes she had. And I can't help but think that she knew when she was undergoing a CCP style public humiliation struggle session. And some of you know what I mean, because you've been through it, too. It's not enough to be humiliated in your personal life within the confines of marriage. But then other people know of the humiliation too. And how easy is it for things like Ashley Madison, or tick tock or Instagram or all the social media out there to lead to affairs? But what if there's a different way? What if Daniel Day Lewis not only saw that winking Parisian sun, but he saw the light, and he saw the impact that he would make as a father? Now, I may have already told this story before on the podcast, and if I did, I hope that you'll forgive me. But when I talk about the goat, Chuck Satti, I talk about my father. And when I was three years old, maybe three or four, he and my mom were raising their voices at each other, they were in an argument, it sometimes happens. Nobody's perfect, right? I hid myself away. Because my dad's a big guy, right? I hid. And then my dad said, Come on, Elaina, come to me, and he wanted a hug, and I wouldn't hug him. And I hid my face away. And I started to cry. And my dad tells me later, he never wanted to raise his voice at my mom, not only because it wasn't the right thing to do, but because he didn't want to see that expression on my face. He wanted me to know that it was safe to come to him. And he didn't want to impact me like that. Now that is the true measure of what we think and feel impacting another person. Now, some of us might not understand it. Because maybe like me, you have felt that you were an irrelevant wife, and an irrelevant husband in the landscape of your own marriage. What you thought and felt did not matter to someone and maybe you even tried to speak it like in Little Mermaid, it just wasn't coming out. You lost your voice. And maybe some of you went stoic because of it. But we can all make a new choice today. We can all let people in our lives know that they are understood that we want to hear their first person POV. What does that look like in a marriage? Maybe I don't know. Maybe you don't either. Or maybe you do when you can tell me. But when what we think and feel impacts another person for good, and we can have the safety to share how we feel, and they can share how they feel with us, and it makes some kind of difference… I think that's a total game changer, don't you? And I think that's what Daniel Day Lewis found. I think that's what Martin Scorsese explored. And I am so glad and so thankful that he did. 

So fire this one up. If you're like me, and you have a DVD player, go get it. You know, hey, you never know it might be like in the $4 bin at Walgreens. But you need to rent this movie, ASAP. And if you have a partner, you need to watch it. If you have children, if you want to have children, if you're a friend. Basically everyone needs to see this. Because your doppelganger is out there. And that decision in that split in the road is just a second away. And we have a legacy because we're on mission and we love our kids. And it's time for us to understand that lesson in the '90s and that amazing movie is just as relevant today as it was then and plus we get to see Winona Ryder dressed up and being amazing. Lots to love, dear listener. As always, this has been Elaina with the “Your '90s Are Showing” podcast. Thanks for going down the waterslide with me. Until next time, don't forget to shine bright!